Where have I disappeared?

Every time I sit down, my thoughts seem to find no other road. A torch to lead the way is there, but its light is too weak. My mind speaks out, shuts out the noise. But it is ever there, present like the sound of the sky. Save me, I scream. I don't care. But its just hard. Not for me. But for the thing itself. Painting a picture with no colours, my life is now a joke. Its vibrant nature quelled by things too worrisome, I call out to my very own cocoon. I have jumped inside my box, nailed myself in. A little hole left to swipe at imaginary insects wanting to keep me company. No fireflies, moths maybe. My quests have merged into one, that which beats my brain. I have become a bubble, bursting at the slightest touch. My throat indicates fever, hopefully a sign of something on its way. I have prayed my prayers, kept my promises, done my duties. I am tired, leave me alone. Give me back my sanity. Give me my life. Kill me. I never wanted to be someone else so bad. I want to be 5 again. I want to play my old stupid games. Where I didn't have a care in the world. Where I was free. Where I had myself for comfort. I had trees around me. I had dirty shoes. I had happiness.